Winter is a time for hibernation and contemplation. January is about new beginnings
and looking ahead. I had the distinct pleasure of participating in some
milestone transitions for elders in my circle and I am inspired to document why
I look upon both of them as aging mentors.
Recently I came across the term, “attention economy” In the commercial realm, there is
fierce competition to be noticed. Social media streams capture trending claims
of various ways to make you better; skinnier, younger, stronger, calmer, richer, competent, efficient, more beautiful, or even how to live longer.Cultivated photos show evidence of efficacy. What if you, instead, paid attention to other ordinary people as wise practitioners of every day life skills, acquired over time through experience, heartache, and laughter? Life islived forward, but understood backwards. Take notes as you are walking down the path together.Both my friend’s father Phil and my friend from the Ease the Day Respite Program,
Enid, are about 88 years old. In January, I played a role in Phil’s move from a retirement community house to anapartment. In February, I attended Enid’s memorial service. As chronological contemporaries, their life paths are unique but equally enriching and vibrant. There are notable similarities that filled their lives with meaning and purpose.
They have cultivated interests. Phil had 47 boxes of books to move, filled with the tools of his 40-year academic career at Notre Dame University. His quest for knowledge is insatiable. He told me “I teach for fun, and grade for money”. He continues to share his passion for criticalinquiry with peers and prisoners. I attended his lecture entitled, “Charles Darwin and the Voyage of the Beagle”, presented in a retiree series. Before COVID, he was volunteering at a state penitentiary to share with a group of dedicated and inquisitive men. We boxed up various awards and accolades frominternational academic bodies. He still takes piano lessons biweekly and centered the layout of his new apartment on his baby grand. Enid helped ignitea love of learning at the kindergarten start. She developed a motor skills
curriculum and was recognized for her teaching skills. Enid loved music also, playing the piano,flute and guitar, and embedded this love in subsequent generations as ateacher. All of her 8 grandchildren performed beautifully at her memorialservice to honor her legacy and support. Her ability to make music on the pianoremained even as her brain’s physiology morphed and changed with dementia.
Both have integrity and look for ways to contribute. Phil is an ecological steward, recycling,re-gifting, and testing the warranty of most durable goods. He serves on committees in his community to help direct decision-making and build camaraderie. Enid’s church pastor told stories of Enid making her self available to do the work of the Lord, by tidying up, sharing Gospel tracts at the grocery store, teaching Sunday school, or helping mission sites far away. Both of them know who they are and are comfortable and confident to do the task at hand in their own signature way.
They are physically and spiritually active. Phil just recently gave up cross-country skiing andbiking, but remains a daily swimmer. He likes to fly fish and hike. Enid was a member of the National Ski Patrol and skied until about 80. She hiked invarious places around the Earth. She loved to move about in nature in all seasons, even when her sense of direction and balance started to play tricks on her. Phil attends mass daily and is active at 2 different churches, pondering deeply the history and ideas of spirituality and the Divine. Enid had boxes and boxes of prayer journals and persuaded many people, by example, of the strengthand joy that comes from God’s love. They both understand the importance of bodyand spirit self care born of daily habit and focus.
They are both kind and generous in word and in deed. They draw people in, rather than push themaway. Phil mentored emerging scholars and helps those in need through time,
talent and treasure. Enid always had a smile on her face and fostered good will wherever she was, through hospitality, encouragement, and sharing. Phil and Enid lived with an abundant mindset, assuming there is enough for all and thatwe are called to share the blessings bestowed on us.
They knew the importance of fostering family connections and nurturing love along the way. Phil has 4 daughters,10 grandchildren, and 9 great grandchildren. Enid has 2 daughters, 1 son, 8 grandchildren, and 3 great grandchildren. Phil keeps in contact and visits all of them and brings them along on interesting trips. He has a role to play asmentor, coach, and voice- of -lived wisdom. Enid sponsored music lessons,planned family gatherings, made food, read books, and spent copious amounts of time tending to the growth and development of all generations. Their familieshave been a wellspring of pride, joy, and resilience in hard times.
As I make my way, I aspire to emulate Phil and Enid’s secrets of aging. How about you?